The Search for Lurve

Internet dating is as much a crapshoot as any organic way of meeting people. You don’t know what you don’t know…until they reveal the head in the freezer. As I sat in my living room Sunday afternoon with my married sister and her married friend, I was compelled to tell the story of the foot fetish guy.

I’m not telling that story here today, because ew. But it got me thinking about dating and the pursuit of LURVE. I’m losing interest. Yes, partly because of too many fools like foot fetish guy, anger problem guy(s), pervy guy(s), commitment phobe guy(s), manipulative guys, stalker guys, bad tippers, mean to dogs, the list goes on…

But its not just the seemingly disproportionate number of awful men that make up the dating pool in your 40’s. No, ma’am.

There are other reasons. Like wasting expensive make up, wearing shoes that hurt, wearing a bra that doesn’t lift and separate properly and makes you want to adjust it all evening and cry with relief when you can finally rip it off and throw it across the room the millisecond you get home, and the reality of having 41 years of stories that make you who you are and having to shove all that into one evening of being “yourself” on the hopes that you didn’t scare the crap out of the guy – and sometimes hoping you did.

Here’s a comparison of what’s out there.

Randomly Met in Public Setting:

Wow. This guy seems great. Can’t wait for…Oh, you live with your mother? That’s cool (don’t panic, there could be a good reason). Yeah, sure. I can pick you up. No, I don’t think having our first date at your house is the best idea. Um… I wasn’t really prepared to meet your mothe….Hi!

Oh, God, please make one of my friends call me 20 minutes earlier than we planned with her crisis that I need to leave for immediately.

DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIIIIITTTTTTT, he seemed so normal.

Internet Dating:

After reality sets in and you know most people lie on the internet, you finally talk to a guy who fits MOST of your criteria on his profile. Decent-looking, articulate, seems to have his shite together. Convo begins on the site. Carries over into text. Seems normal, liking his humor so far. May talk on the phone later…Oh, another text…

Junk pic.

Wait, what? (looks around Burlington Coat Factory to make sure no one was close enough to see that)

Did that seriously just happen?

Yes. Yes it did.

DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIIIIITTTTTTT, he seemed so normal.

Okay, maybe it IS because there’s so little decent inventory. You fluctuate between raising and lowering your standards, because you’re just not sure which end is up after so many freaks. Getting to know someone is hard enough, and you never know how much to really put out there and how much to hold back. Finding freak after weirdo after loser after psycho doesn’t help matters, and the truth is, there comes a point where my outrage at wasting good hair & make up has reached a boiling point that I fear may have catastrophic consequences.

And frankly, y’all… I just can’t want to.

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