Celeb Safety Patrol

Not cool, man. 2016, you’re doing us wrong.
Prince? Really?
All these icons of my formative years, just dropping like flies…I can’t like it.
I was a little sad when MJ died, and of course Whitney – but let’s be honest, we all kind of had that feeling immediately afterwards of being surprised she hadn’t a few years sooner.
~ But Prince?
I always assumed he’d be around forever, I guess. That tiny little man with more talent in his pinky finger than most of us could ever even dream about. What a tragic loss.
I just want to know one thing. Has anybody checked on Billy Joel lately?
He doing alright? ‘Cause he needs to be wearing a helmet when he’s on those motorcycles. I know ya love ’em, Billy, but PLEASE be careful! Like, extra, super careful. Give us at least another 20 years of your brilliant musical mind.
I feel like we need to band together, and have a fan club/safety patrol that just keeps track of certain celeb’s health. There’ll OF COURSE be a committee to decide which stars we guard, because … well… I’ll just say it. Some of them might not be such a tragic loss.
We can divide it into camps or districts or whatever. A team in place for each musical icon, and then a team member or two in charge of each aspect of their lives – because I feel like their own staff(s) are seriously dropping the ball.
Someone to watch what they’re eating. Someone’s keeping an eye on safety gear and precautions when they’re in the car. Someone doing a drug & alcohol check of their homes and vehicles.
Like stalkers, for health & safety purposes.
“Stevie Wonder hasn’t been eating his veggies, y’all. Somebody get on this! I don’t care WHAT you have to do, blend it up and put it in his cheeseburger. Just blend it somewhere else so he don’t know you’re there, man.”
“What’s that? Madonna went skiing? Who’s on the safety gear patrol? Sharon? You got this? I don’t want to hear about a sprain later today. You get down that mountain and blow up one of those emergency landing bouncy things – NOW! Mike – go cut down all the friggin’ trees, or find a way to wrap those bouncy things around them! GO!”
“Hey, y’all, Cher is hitting the bottle a little too often. I need someone from district 5 to get on over there and water her sh*t down – STAT. No, just water it by a third. We’ll run to half next week. Gotta wean her off slow.”
Let’s do this. Who’s in?
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