The Power Of Coffee.

For those of you still on the fence about the power of coffee, I now have proof positive that coffee does, in fact, make me less of an asshole.

I went through the Starbucks drive-through on the way to work. I’d had no coffee, and didn’t even run a brush through my hair this morning. I remembered deodorant and brushing my teeth, and thankfully put on real shoes, so there’s that.

Anyhoo, I’d gotten a gift card for my birthday and decided today was the day I’d splurge (because it isn’t splurging when its a gift card). On my brain whilst waiting in the drive through line were the ants infiltrating my kitchen through an electrical outlet (and whether a fire could be caused by that), the fact that I’d forgotten my make up and may actually still have mascara smudges about an inch or so below my eyes, the fact that I didn’t care, how my nails were badly chipping and I’d forgotten to fix them yesterday, frustration at the contractor for letting me know via text this morning at 7 am that it would be tomorrow (his favorite word) before they get started on the plumbing problem beneath one of my buildings and therefore made me a liar to my tenants, whether to get a blueberry scone, and hoping that Hobby Lobby isn’t too crowded this afternoon when I go to exchange a handle on a chest I’d recently painted…among other things.

I ordered a regular coffee instead of anything fancy (because I can’t think when I’ve had no coffee), insisting on using the word “large”, even when the girl asked me a third time what size. *She knew. She just wanted me to say it, and I wasn’t gonna. At the last second, I asked for a blueberry scone, because I was hungry and, again, couldn’t think of a single other food item they offered, in spite of the fact they were all in pictures on the board in front of me.

I get up to the window and reach out with the gift card. She tells me “The guy before you paid for your order. Kind of an ‘act of kindness’ thing”.

My mouth dropped like a large mouth bass and I stuttered, “Oh. Wow. Okay. How sweet.”

That’s it. I got my coffee and scone and drove away thinking, “Gee, that was nice. How weird. People still do nice things for strangers. That’s cool.

It wasn’t until I reached the stoplight after exiting the Starbucks that it occurred to me to pass it on to the car behind me.


Because I’d had about three swigs of coffee by then…which was clearly too late. Then, I realized why the Starbucks girl looked at me expectantly for about a second too long. She thinks I’m an asshole.

She’s not wrong.

I just hadn’t had my coffee yet, and I stand by my proclamation that coffee makes me have human feelings that could instinctively be put into action.

Nectar of the gods, I tell you.