Fuzzy Skull Anxiety

I have been more anxiety-ridden in the last month than I have in a few years. My head feels tingly and buzzing and I just cannot fucking even. I’m livid and scared and so utterly disappointed that I just cannot describe it.

New owner buys property. Says he’s going to fix what’s broken.


We’re slapping paint on, re-staining floors, putting up new fixtures and buying ceiling fans. We need new wiring so badly that if the fire marshal saw what’s in the walls, we’d get shut down. I hope those pretty ceiling fans and knobs are useful in putting out fires.

Now there’s mold.

Because of course there is.

The EPA is going to hear about it, and what does he do? Threatens an attorney if the report gets made. No expression of concern. No remark about getting the mold tested to see if its really the dangerous kind.


Not one word about getting a second opinion, even.

Just spitting nails about covering it all up.

Its bad enough that the meth head brother moved in and walks around in his silk boxers outside, has his dealer friends meeting other customers here regularly, and has parked not one, but two, hideous jalopy cars (one of which is a camper) here for over a month. Now, the tenants don’t give a shit about the parking lot rules I set in place, because why should they?

I’m rambling. I know. I don’t care.

It’s all fine when you talk like a salesman about how great everything is going, because you get to go home.

We all have to live HERE.

With dangerous wiring.

With a meth head in his skivvies, and his dealer and their disgusting meth head friends constantly coming here.

And now with mold.

My head is going to explode.

I am over the intrusions on my privacy, the absolute disregard for any boundary that any normal human being would have.

I’m over the fact that I lost a third of my income just to put up with more bullshit.

I’m over people taking a shit in my bathroom once a week like that’s totally normal to come into your employee’s house and crap and make jokes about it.

I’m over it all. What the actual hell?

And now what?

Am I supposed to pretend I don’t know about this mold? Am I supposed to help cover this up? Show the apartments to potential tenants and pretend everything’s fine?

What if someone gets sick? I’m not going to get pulled into a lawsuit for some jackass who refuses to do the RIGHT THING.

I’m having even more trouble sleeping.

I’ve been having nightmares almost every night.

Headaches more frequently.

Smoking more than ever in my life.

I had such incredibly high hopes when this all happened, and now I’m mad and sad and pissed off and nervous and just waiting for a drive by or an explosion and now this.

I have begun to really hate this place.